Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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