I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
