thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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