im gay
i know
yea but for you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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