somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
