WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
