Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
