I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
