The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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