you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
