I hate your face
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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