Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
