This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
