Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
