She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
