I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
