i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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