i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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