Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
