How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
