I'm jealous of your bromance
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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