I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
