Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
