Need sex. Gaining weight.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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