Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
