Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
where am i from again
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
