he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
