I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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