I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
