yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
