4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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