How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
