If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
