I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Your tits are I can't wait for
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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