That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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