So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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