video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
