I want to have your abortion
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
