dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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