ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize