Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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