dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
