i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
