hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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