Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
did i just pee glitter
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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