There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
