why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
