sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
