Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
