fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
