can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
