my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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