Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
