All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
