can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
