she smelled like a LAN party
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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