I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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