How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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