you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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