He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
