I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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