Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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