what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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