Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
