the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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