he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
