Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize