I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
whose parrot is this?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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