Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
even my farts smell like vagina
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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