shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
