I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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