i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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