I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
