paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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