Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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