Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
