Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
