you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
