Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Let the clothes fall where they may.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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