Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
