Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
