I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
