Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
