Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize