umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if only i could text you this smell
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
