Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
