So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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