so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
