we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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