careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
