is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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