I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
