Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
