Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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