I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
