She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I won the penis lottery.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize