I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
