Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
