The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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