Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
