Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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