hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
