lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
