I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't deserve a penis
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
why is half of my head shaved?
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