it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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