i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize