I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
