I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize