Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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