I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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