I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize