you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We smell like vodka and hangover
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