we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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